August 2004 Archives

Current Musical Selection: Garth Brooks - Standing Outside the Fire

Tonight is one of those nights where I have multiple moments of contemplation about various events in my life. For the first time in nearly 4 months it is NOT about academic related things. I am focused primarily on the organization in my life. I tend to have order, structure and organization when I have a manageable amount of stuff to deal with, but I somehow always end up with clutter, missing things and paper trails everywhere. Is it worth it to attempt organization even with so many previous events making it seem like it is a pointless and impossible battle with fate? (feel free to use the comments function).

Another thing on my mind is the lack of social interaction I have in my daily life. I have a small network of friends that I rely on when I am not in class or out doing something else. Tonight a very limited amount of the network, 1 person, was actually availible and that person seemed very busy. Perhaps the time has arrived for me to spread my social wings and take flight myself, without my safety line of my limited network. For healthy human survival communication must exist. The intellectual stimulation of communication is required for humans to have sufficient cognitive development to be self sustaining organizims. I know these facts, but yet still can't convince myself that I need to find more friends and be more social. Since I have graduated my extended social network has been severed, everyone I know is somewhere else, and the ones who haven't left me seem to be pulling away from me. The graduation proccess includes a lot of changes, including the relationships between people. The relationship between academic and social interaction has always existed (i know i said i wasn't in an academic, this is my blog i can deviate if i want to). As the peak of an academic scenario occurs, so do the friendships associated with it. We then move on once graduation/commencement is over. Starting a new academic career has strange effects on social interaction. In my observation there is an odd period where a group of strangers who registered for the same course section gradually changes into becoming familiar with each other, even the Freshmen or their equivilents (yes, im a First Year Sophomore, got a problem with it?). Friday and today I myself felt like I was being accepted by a few people from each of my classes. I noticed some initial attempts by some people to talk to me early on Friday, but didn't really pay much attention to it. This morning it finally hit me and I began to recall my "training" from Interpersonal Communication. I started with some basic strategies for initiating relationships, eye contact, reciprocity of verbal communication, etc. With me what is odd is that I am perfectly comfortable overhearing someone's coversations, and then butting in with a response to some type of problem the communication partners is having, but starting a conversation is like sitting in a dentist chair. Last week this occured with two freshmen females that couldn't locate Colvard. Due to my overpreperation for navigational catastrophe I was able to direct the two to their desired destination. In some ways I feel light an outsider on the campus, but sometimes when I sit down and relax somewhere on campus I begin to feel like I do belong on campus.

Its funny how music can change your personality in a very short time. I opened on one song with a specific topic for this entry, but i have found myself deviating with several musical changes behind me.

I was talking to Guy earlier and we were discussing blogs and the level of publicity we wished them to have. We both agree that we like for ours to be public, but not listed in any type of directory. The ability for a mysterious stranger to come upon our blogs doesn't bother us, but a directed audience does.

When I was a high school student I observed the confusion and difficulty that many college students had, I never really understood why they had problems with things that seemed so logical to me. I am still not understanding many of their issues, but I am now developing some of my own. As I am getting settled in to UNCC I am trying to prepare for next semester so that I can make sure that all of my chickens are accounted for when it is time to register for Spring courses. I am planning to register for one course from the Charlotte Area Academic Consortium, but am finding some very unusual circumstances with it. UNCC's registrar states that I must get the approval of my advisor to register for the course, but I have not been assigned an advisor, therefore I am a little lost as to where to turn for that. Another thing that I find purely annoying is that there is only 1 paragraph in UNCC's entire site that covers Consortium registration. Because of this I don't know if I have to perform registration for the course manually as I usually would for CPCC (The member instition that I intend to take the course with), or if the registrar will be organizing the registration for me.

Maybe I am worrying too much for the first week of the semester. I suppose that I am worried because I am in what I now consider to be the actual working time of earning my degree. I want everything to go perfectly. Before this semester I could relax and enjoy college courses, take things slow and work at things I loved learning about, such as psychology, sociology, and art. I hate the idea of being sent to an advisor for registering for classes, I feel like I am being led by the hand into something that I have a great deal of judgement in. I like being considered mature enough to make my own decisions about my education, especially course selection. Many people question some of the things I have done for course registration, but I have my reasons for every course. I don't choose my curriculum haphazardly (exception: Logic, i just felt like taking it). I intend to enjoy my college years, as such I will be taking courses that interest me while I am completing stuff for my major. As a result of this self declaration I will be taking CSC134 (C++ Programming) at CPCC in the spring as part of the Charlotte Area Educational Consortium.

On a non-complaining topic, I finished all of my homework for tomorrow already and am sort of looking for stuff to do until it is time for bed.

This evening I completed my first week of classes at UNCC. I survived! Emotionally I am adapting a lot better than I thought I would to the situation of being at UNCC every day. I am getting myself settled very gradually. I love the campus now that I know how to get around it. For all of you non-believers in my navigational ability (myself included): I survived week 1 with no malnavigation or inccorect arrival. I opted out of posting last night's post (basicly i was tired and didn't feel like it), but I had a good day yesterday with my Psychology class. I didn't go to my Physics lab because I was told by Dr. Naeini that it wasn't being held until week 2 of class. Abnormal Psyc was kind of interesting, although, I am the only MIS or related major in the whole class. I am alone in my field and general age group. Several of the members of the class have already earned one degree and are working on another. Today went by fast because I don't have Engligh 1102 on Friday.

Since this week has concluded I am now thinking a little more about my selection of university. I'm not fully sure that I want to remain at UNCC for my degree. I have been called a "College Hopper" by many, including my hair stylist. It is true that UNCC is my 3rd college, but I have had different reasons for being at each college I have attended. UNCC was the one I had originally designated as being my "degree college". It still might be, I will just have to determine from the availible data at the end of the semester if i really want to remind. In the mean time I will be applying to various other colleges that I think I could enjoy being enrolled at. I intend to live on campus at my next selection from the begining. The whole resident student thing is still pending for me as far as UNCC though, im not sure it is really worth it, especially if I am able to keep myself socially engaged enough to develop my independance and begin to imitate the other "young adults" I am surrounded by.

After I finished my classes today I went to Chris's house to visit with him for a while. I visited with him and we went out shopping for a while, then we went back to his house to relax for a bit afterward. Somehow that type of thing seems to fit my personality more than something like partying. On the topic of partying, Matt Lamb, the person who is most logical and most responsible of all people I know, actually went to a party and had several alcoholic beverages this evening. This fact shocked me. I never thought of him as that type of person at all. In this event occuring I am forced to question my own level of self control, am I tuned a little too tight in that department? Maybe I am just scared that my self control will weaken and I will be suceptable to all of the evils of college life.

Another thing that occured this evening is I discovered that my parents are by no means ready to let me out of their lives. My father called me several times tonight while I was out to check on me. In my opinion this was acceptable for 4 months ago when I was still in high school, but I am 19, I am a college student and it is time for me to opperate independantly of my father's dictatorship. I intend to have a discussion with him tomorrow about his lack of trust in me.

I have a lot of reading to do this weekend, but not an excessive amount of other work to do, so it should be a fairly relaxed weekend and I should be well rested on Monday for starting Week #2.

Today I had the same schedule as Monday, but I was a lot more comfortable. Shortly after going to my first class I noticed that I was a little too comfortable, I had made a fairly bad mistake when putting things into my bags last night. My English notebook, containing my assignment that was due, was not in the bag. This would be cause for major alarm for most students, but for me it was just a moment of stupidity. Because my personality tends to be fault tollerent for my mistakes, there was already a plan in place to handle such an occurance. After Physics I proceded to Barnard Computer Lab, from there I logged in to CMK4 through FTP and grabbed a copy of the assignment, printed it and then breathed a sigh of relief. Moments like today remind me how important it is that I keep up with my current ways as far as maintaining my server for stuff like keeping my assignments backed up. Today I rediscoverd my hate for Novell in the lab. One of the nicest things about the lab is that there a lot of people similar to me in there, techies and people who procrastinate. After being in the lab for a while it was time for ENGL1102. I went to the class on time, waited with the rest of the students in the hall until the slow class that has the room before us finally left. After a short time Betsy arrived and we began class. The assignment I had printed shortly before was collected, redistrubuted and we did an interesting activity with it. The assignment was a letter of introduction, we read the letter of one other member of the class and told the class a little about the person. Sort of a unique way for us to learn some stuff about each other and become a little closer. That was pretty much my day, kinda boring, but if you are reading this then you are at least as bored as I am.

Monday was my first day of class. It was a bit much for me to experience, but it went better than I expected. The drive to the campus was filled with nervous thoughts, but went smoothly. Finding parking wasn't as much of a nightmare as I imagined it to be, but it wasn't the easiest task I had ever performed either. I was early for class and ended up waiting in one of the lounge areas of the McEniry building, while waiting I was still kinda nervous and wasn't sure how to act. The first course of the day was Deductive Logic. The course is instructed by an unusual white-haired old lady by the name Dr. Judith Presler. I haven't completely decided my opinion about her yet. After the short introduction to that course I moved on to Physics. The first impression of the physics instructor was a little more distinct and a little better than for Dr. Presler. Dr. Naeini seems to like the advantages of technology in teaching his course, this is something I appreciate in an instructor. I believe that Dr. Naeini will probably conduct a class that I can easily understand (as long as I can understand what he is saying behind that thick French Canadian accent). After Physics I have no more classes for an hour. Typically I would use this time to eat lunch or something logical, but on Monday I decided to just take the time as a time for reflection and analysis of the situation. I spent the time in Colvard building, it is an open building that is used as a tunnel between the academic area and the other side of the campus near Cone center. I sat at a table between the components of the building and watched students and staff travel on their way to various places on campus. Most of the people had cell phones talking to people, or were with a friend. I felt alone at the time because I had no one to talk to nor anyone to call (it was 2:00PM, everyone I know was asleep). I also wrote some notes to myself during the time. I thought a lot about my future and things like the future of my GITI utility (since this is a public blog i should probably discuss that at some point so everyone knows what it is). After my silent time I went to my English class in Winningham. I was expecting an old instructor for this course, sort of your ideal George Finney character. I was shocked when this person I thought was a student stood at the front of the room, said good afternoon and began putting her stuff down on the desk at the front. Mrs. Sara E. Miller Newman is the instructor, shortly after making this announcement she informed us that we were never to call her that, only to call her Betsy. In minutes this extreamly talkative and excited instructor began passing out the syllabis. There was a discussion of one of the points of the syllabis that I remember clearly, the talk about no talking about things off topic. This is another thing that will set Betsy off, according to the syllabis, Betsy cant deal with a situation where she looses her train of thought because she looses her temper when she "looses my choochoo and cant find it again". I expect a colorful and not-so-quiet semester with her. She is the one instructor that I have seriously started to enjoy already in the one day I have known her. After a short session of English we were released to go. I went home and began cooking. An inquiry was made to whether or not I actually left when my parents arrived.

Tuesday was a very short day, I woke up at about 1PM for my 6:30PM class. I left the house at about 5:30PM. Traffic on I-85 was fine, until I was 1 mile from my exit, then it got bad. The Hwy 49 exit sucked, everyone was going slow and attempting to pass each other, that was a good waste of 10 minutes. Then I eventually arrived on campus only to find a nice line of traffic lined out of the road I needed to access. Few minutes wasted there, but finding a parking spot was actually easy. I then went to my class location and waited with my classmates, some of which are really attractive, until the instructor arrived. Professor Jim Frakes is the instructor, he is an ok guy it seems. He appears to be very passionate about art, which since the course is art focused I assume it is a good thing. The class was very short, only an hour, then we were released to go. I came home, ate dinner and began doing various things around my home, including working on GITI and talking to a friend on the phone. This brings us to my life at present which is filled with concern about the coming days and my future. I have been told by many that I need to calm down about it all. I have to agree, I dont know when I have ever been this stressed out about something so small before.

2 days completed, 114 (including weekends) to go. And life in the Curtis universe continues in a way that only I, Curtis, can live it.

It is about 2:30AM here, I really should be in bed and sleeping to prepare for my day tomorrow, but somehow I don't feel that I can. There are less than 12 hours remaining until I start at UNCC. I spent my day today being very relaxed. I have packed my bookbag for tomorrow and prepared everything. This evening I also registered a new domain name for blog use primarily. Later today, at about 10AM I will wake up and prepare myself for my first day at UNCC, by noon I will be on campus and at my first class.

9 hours to go....

Today, as planned I ventured out to the University of North Carolina at Charlotte to explore the campus, become familar with the campus and be ready for Monday. I had a slight misnavigation today as I disobeyed my natural sense of direction (which failed in the past). I went up and around Housing North from the East parking area instead of going down the sidewalk and across a street to where the main academic area actually is. In 1 day, 9 hours I will be on campus and seated for my first class. These days seem almost surreal, this can't be happeneing, my life can not have progressed this far for ME, Curtis M. Kularski, to be a college student. In the time I have spent on the many things I waste time with (staring into space, autonomously checking email, etc) I could have been out enjoying my life. Only in the past few months have I discovered how to act independantly from outside instruction. I have been making decisions about my education by myself for over 4 years, but there had always been some sort of outside force directing me to the path I take.

In the time since I have returned from UNCC this evening I have had a chance to think about the many things I need to accomplish this semester in addition to going to class. I discovered that I need to take credit by examination tests for INFO2130 (Intro to Computing) and ITCS1214 (Intro to Computer Sci). Anyone who knows me knows that those classes are not needed for someone like me. I have had a keyboard under my fingers almost as long as I have been able to speak. There is only one reason I have to take the ITCS1214 exam, because my certifications aren't recognized by the university. I assume this is because the certifications can be obtained by people who cheat on the exams. It really sucks that the cheaters of the world can steal the reputation of Microsoft Cerified Professionals and Microsoft Certified System Administrators like me. I will also be taking the math proficiency exam again, I only missed calculus level by 2 questions on the last attempt. I will be preparing for the test over the next few days and attempt to take the test at one of the insanely early times set asside by the UNCC math department.

In the time since I returned from my adventure I have been given access to the syllibus for one of my classes, Abnormal Psychology (PSYC3151). It looks like it will be simple and kind of easy, as long as I do the assignments, and in classes like that where I enjoy the topic I always complete everything.

I feel very confident in my ability to go on campus and find all of my classes, I also feel comforted by thoughts of the campus and spending the next few years there. It is a beautiful place with mostly friendly people, like a small town in some ways. I expected it to be more like a big city due to its location and size difference compared to Gaston College.

As the title of the entry states, I went to UNCC, Saw the classrooms and now I am ready to conquer my future! Onward I must go.....

In my past few blog entries I have mentioned my changing life, how things will no longer be the same for me. I have been generally very selfish in my observation of the changes. For me things will be different because of independance, strange schedules and the possibility for a lot more social interaction. For my parents the change will be more dramatic, I will be out of the house more, be around a lot of new people and generally be more away from their life. There is a mental/attitude change which many college students are said to go through during their first year not being directly conncected to home, if this is the case my parents are in for a lot of suprises. I function as tech support for my family, they rely on me. the status-quo is no more, after 17 years of fairly predictable behavior (give 'em two years credit, they aren't psycic) they can't count on that anymore. As for changes for the rest of my family, my aunt can probably look forward to me being around her more often, simply because I will be in the area more. Some changes happen because they must, such as me growing up and my predictability being broken. Others happen because they can, such as me having more time to myself and me being able to be happier with myself. There are also things that never change, such as my relationships with my friends. My best friend Chris is the most reliable example of this, I can always count on him. I look forward to being able to come home and be able to call him and still have that familiarity, the one unchanging variable of my life. My weekends will end up being my only escape from most of the changes, and after a while I will probably be affected by the changes so greatly that it won't matter anymore and my new college-educated self will appear.

One of the more interesting things to do when change occurs is to watch for external changes, changes in other people, whether as a result of you or not. We as humans are not designed to be static characters, we change each day. Some of us adapt to things in our environments, others simply learn something new and use it to its fullest to improve their lives. The nature of the universe is fairly uncertain to us wee creatures on this tiny speck of a globe that we call home. We percieve things most of the time as having width, height and depth only, but what about the temporal directions? For all we know the reality we percieve is merely the other side of a decision to be made, one of many thousand possibilities. In the analysis of time we see our time as the "main timeline", but can we really justify calling ours the primary? Arent all of the timelines equally important? Changes occur in time by simply changing a direction of something, the infinite list of what ifs that placed us on this time track were merely changes. With things such the begining of time we must ask ourselves if it is truely the begining. Is it our begining of time only? Do all timelines have the same starting point? If we said yes, then we would have to conclude that the begining of time and the universe (for the sake of document structure, lets call big bang the begining) relied on the single event occuring at the exact moment in which it did, if not it wouldn't have been the begining. Thats where we get into different time lines again though, if it was an option for time to begin when it did, then it would have to be contained within another timeline, going back to an infinitely far away point of time 0. Maybe not everything has to have a begining and an end, even at the end of our solar universe when earth is swallowed by our sun turning giant, the timeline(s) still remain. Maybe we don't exist after all?

My final pre-university weekend is upon me. Most of the weekend will be spent doing normal things I do, working on the GITI project, talking to friends, etc. I will also be finalizing getting my bags, books and other supplies ready for Monday. I will also probably be doing some last minute purchasing for Monday. I want to be completely prepared. Anyone think I can justify a GPS as an educational expense? I am still worried about not being able to get where I need to be on campus. My navigational skills suck, this is not a theory, but a proven fact (roadmaps out of a paper bag come to mind). I have also considered purchasing a domain name on Monday morning to commerate the occasion of me becoming a university student. I am always accused of under utilization of my domain name property, but I use them for various things. I have at least 1 TCP service assigned to every domain name I own and they have their own purposes. My days of owning 17 domains are behind me, but I find myself now thinking I need a domain name that is mine.

Back to the college topic, as most of my friends have gone to different colleges I am now figuring out who my real friends are and who just needed someone they could count on for technical help. Matt Lamb, Guy and a few others have been in constant contact with me during the entire summer and into these last few days before classes. Some others, like Jeff have been out of communication and are now subject to being dropped from my address book in a few weeks. In orignal plans for my address book I decided to keep all contacts even the ones that I don't communicate with. This policy has now changed, I want only people in my address book who belong there.

Life as it has been for me is about to change. I have been sheltered more than most people have up until this point. On Monday I will begin the seperation from my parents and begin to embark on a journey of my own. This journey will lead me to education, a job, a house and maybe a family. From that point I will be independant, but never truely on my own. My family has a very unique and close structure, nothing ever violates that. It is nice to know that I have such a strong support group, but it is sort of depressing because no matter what I will always return to this one central group of people.

Mentally I am having a strange week. Started out Monday doing great, Tuesday was pretty good other than a slight quirk which resulted from visiting UNCC. Today (Wednesday) I am deep in emotion and stress and fear as a result of the thought of the pending adventure to take place on Monday. Monday ends my summer vacation (which didn't start until July 21) and I begin several months of classes, every day Monday through Friday. I have never quite had this type of a reaction to going back to school after a summer. This year I suspect it holds greater meaning because in my adjusted sleep pattern (roughly 1PM - 5AM) I have had a lot of time to myself as well as to develop stronger relationships with my friends.

With entereing UNCC for the first time on Monday I am fearful of making mistakes, primarily in navigation. I fear having to park on campus and then find my way to my classes. After the first week I will know my way around, but the first week won't be easy. Another controlling fear at the moment is the fear of social interaction. It will happen and when it does it won't have any negative impact on me, but because of past experiences I still fear initial social interaction issues.

I plan to be at UNCC for three or four years. Because I already have 30 credit hours I can graduate in 3 years, but I love college courses and might stick around for an additional year to take courses in my fields of interest, or I may add some minors to my degree in the proccess. My final decision for major is Management Information Systems, I dont forsee needing to make any changes to it any time soon.

I have been strongly encouraged to be social and get involved on campus in my time at UNCC. I don't know what will happen with that, but I have a few hours of spare time each day in my schedule, I can use it however I like, it is very possible I will use it for doing activities to become involved in the campus, or my own social life.

4 days, 12 hours, 14 minutes to go....

I just finished installing MovableType 3 with much assistance from my best friend. The mission of this blog will be to document the next few years of my life as I enter real college life. I am a person of my personality quirks and oddities in the way I handle my life. I don't presently do a lot outside of my bedroom, but I hope with my newest academic endevour I find many ways to amuse myself that don't include a keyboard, mouse and multiple LCD monitors. Let the blogging begin.... [insert gun shot sound here].