Life Zoom

Ever notice that in your life you can't quite see everything at all levels all the time?

I recently started working on my life analysis/diagnostic outline as I mentioned in a previous entry. As I have gotten deeper into it I decided to look back on my previous analysis, there are drastic differences in what the goals look like. This time the goals are a lot more future centered instead of here-now centered like the old analysis. In the current analysis I focus on things like graduating from UNCC with my degree, this is at least 2 years away and as many as 4 years away. The older analysis is more "me" centered, it goes into things like my personality and the level of stress I was handling at the time. The difference between the two documents is huge, but when i look back, so are the situations. There is a notation on the older document that states that I was handling what I considered to be "chaos" at the time, which would tend to make me more here-now focused. I am not sure why the current document is being constructed, I guess I feel that my priorities might be a little unclear and in need of analysis.

Another thing that is occuring with me in the new analysis is that I am not as involved with my academic career anymore, this is because of the change in academic format. There is a lot less day-to-day stuff to handle. I am now just responsible for learning the material and being able to repeat it for a test. I felt much more involved in high school, and even during my Summer College education sabbatical where I did electronic courses requring me to learn information by myself. My original passion for learning I had in the Spring with Interpersonal Communication and Intro to Ethics has not fully returned yet. Some components of the environment have not yet been met. I need an environment where it is more than just lecture. I like dicussion based courses where I truely feel involved and like I have a reason for being in the room. As much as I have a problem with being in social environments, I love being in a classroom where I can know all of the students and be able to have intelligent discussions with them. High school had a feeling of administrative pressure, and the ever-present peer-judgement. I still love learning, but I am having adaptation issues in my present life and I need to figure out what is truely right for me.

I will continue working on the analysis document for the next few days and try to see what I do need to change in my life. I am pretty certain that it doesn't involve me getting a job or leaving UNCC. The major aspects of my life at the moment are pretty much set in stone and I am happy with them. The minor things need some work yet, and thats probably why I can't get the analysis down to that level yet. I need to drill further in my conciousness to find where my problems are and where my goals are hiding.