August 2005 Archives

In the past 2 days I have heard complaints from a lot of my friends about being lonely and not being able to find anyone, and things of that sort. One of the most odd is one of my friends who has a hard time opening himself up to people he cares about, because of past hurt in his life. I find it odd that people come to me for things like this, I am probably just as lonely as they are, so what makes me the perfect shoulder? I can't possibly appear that caring can I? I guess I try to offer advice when my friends hurt, its just who I am, but I don't see that it actually makes a difference, they are just as lonely after talking to me. Last night when thinking about this I compared myself to Delilah jokingly, but for some reason I feel compelled to stick to this... sort of. Music seems to be a very strong force that connects people, and even helps create a sense of presence when there is none. Some songs inspire and motivate through their lyrics, others use their instrumentation, but the calming effect is nearly the same across both methods. I personally don't like political songs or songs of depression and rage. Why would I want to listen to something that will make me feel worse? Anyway, ive gotten off topic (its my blog I will deviate derail if I want to). Point of all of this is, for whatever reason my friends come to me when they have a problem, I am glad they do. There are times when I find myself being very lonely, but for some reason I never think to reach out for anyone, until its too late. I guess its just the way I live my life, anti-social and independant.

So... for the Non-trusting bisexual, the confused Texan, the internally closeted Californian, Gaelic speaking dreamer, my indifferent best friend, and all of the other lonely people in my life, I present to you, a song that gives me some comfort ant perspective while alone:
------------------------------------------------
"(This Is A) Song For The Lonely" - Cher

When you're standing on the edge of nowhere
There's only one way up
So your heart's got to go there
Through the darkest night
See the light shine bright
When hero's fall, in love or war
They live forever

[Chorus:]
This is a song - for the lonely
Can you hear me tonight
For the broken hearted, battle scared I'll
Be by your side
And this is a song - for the lonely
When your dreams won't come true
Can you hear this prayer
'Coz someone's there for you

We'll love don't need a reason
She can pick you up
Or leave you bleeding
I've seen a strong man cry
I know the reason why
We all forgive, we all forget
We just keep believing

[Chorus]

So let it find you
Wherever you may go
I'm right beside you
You don't have to look no more
You don't have to look no more, oh no

[Chorus]

It's gonna be alright
It's gonna be alright
It's gonna be alright

This is a song
A song for the lonely
And that's not you only
Through the darkest night
You're gonna see the light

Love don't need a reason
Just to leave you bleeding

Can you hear this prayer
Someone's there

This is a song - for the lonely
Can you hear me tonight
For the broken hearted, battle scared
I'll be by your side
And this is a song
for the lonely.

At the request of... everyone? I am going to try to limit my number of postings from Barnard starting after today. Who knew that me sitting still immediately after class could be so catastrophic?

I upgraded MovableType last night and now im totally regretting it. First, a plugin that I installed because of its "features" in relation to the new version managed to totally fry my theme on my blog, even after I removed the pesky thing. Second issue, my /images/ directory is GONE! Don't know where it went, but it went. Third, the BACKUP folder I created, containing a backup copy of my MovableType installation was overwritten by the thing when it rebuilt the site. I am not amused, I just hope I can get all of those images restored somehow, I think I kept some backups in various locations, but damn, what a pain in the ass.

UPDATE: ok, finally got my theme reapplied from database, from now on, no more lazy-blogger!

I was looking for the link for the previous entry, and ran across something totally weird:

I don't know about the rest of you, but ive never had a need to instant message a librarian. Also... Wouldn't it be more useful to just use a chat feature in the page itself, especially since someone like myself might want to get information from the computer labs without having to walk all the way over there to the library?

Ever since last fall I have been trying to figure out if I have a preference for which building I have class in at UNCC, but to this point I have only formed one opinion... I HATE DENNY! Denny is hot, uncomfortable, has small desks and there is this odd odor that travels through the hallway (freshmen perhaps?). This morning I finally made my decision though, I love Atkins. There aren't many classrooms in Atkins, but the ones that do exist there are awesome. The rooms are always kept at really nice temperatures and are pleasant. In addition, there is very little hallway noise because of the way the building is designed.

I should probably mention that Mr. Long's class today actually was tolerable. The focus was on making websites user-friendly and focused on their purpose (not pimping the org or being a showcase of technology). It was a short lecture today, so I may have just not had enough to comment on ;-). Mr. Long appears to be very knowledgeable and focused on his topic, but I am a litle sensitive to omissions in Internet history (United States history I can cut down to about a paragraph and be happy though).

Before people outside of Niner Nation start thinking that Ive gone nuts, here is the building I am loving so much: http://facilities.uncc.edu/Building_Info/AtkinsLibrary.htm

Do you think of me as a quiet person? When I am around you, do you find yourself asking "what is he actually thinking/feeling?"?

At the moment im realizing that I don't speak up nearly enough and im not really that social, at least not as social as I should be. In high school I had lots of people around me and I never felt completely alone, I could always find one of my cliques to be with. At UNCC I find myself alone most of the time, I am presently in the place that one year ago I designated as my safe haven, Barnard Computer Labs. I can put myself into the net and not have to come out for anything until its time for my next class, and I don't have to speak to anyone or do anything requiring interaction. It is a really safe life, but is it what I want? I really want to be more outgoing, but somehow I just can't push myself over that hill. Me becoming social won't happen overnight, but I think I might be able to give myself some gentle pushes and try to make (and maintain) contact with people my own age on campus. I was talking to Chris last night and I pretty much discovered that none of my social goals from a year ago were being met. I don't really understand what has happened. While I was in Mr. Pane's Interpersonal Communication course, surrounded mostly by adults I was comfortable being slightly outgoing and actually speaking to people. I remember this one woman from the course, Marcia, she could get me to talking faster than anything and her personality could make a British Palace Guard smile and laugh. Why can't I be like her? Why can't I be the one who inspires people to come out of their shell and speak? There are a few people who consider me friendly, so shouldn't that be something I can use to my advantage when trying to fit in? I would love to be able to go to my next class and be able to speak to the person sitting next to me and have a small conversation. Im pretty sure that won't happen because I am me, but what the hell... Ill give it a try.

GITI is a pain in the ass to operate when I am not at home, this indicates that I rely too heavily on the admin side of things for it to work properly, consider revising.

The schedule tool is the paitient of ridicule today, I tried reactivating an invitation that I cancelled last night using the Interface, but it just isn't possible. I am moving away from the raw unfiltered database lifestyle in the current stable (LOL!) version of GITI, so I actually have the chance for things to go hidden from me. I need to establish some sort of rules for how schedule should operate for 'Once' events (standard schedule), 'Week' events (events that repeat weekly for a period of time and 'Invite' events (not real events, invitations to an existing event, entered as a new event). There must be some uniformity and control to it. At the moment the project is about to fall on its ass because I have just been making notes about problems and not actually taking care of the problems.

I guess I should mention that I did finally get the invite moved back to its correct status (from CAN to NO), which in this case is a little weird, because originally that field was based upon whether or not an event was complete, but now NO = Accepted Invitation, YES = Completed event, CAN = Canceled. Its all a bit confuzzling (yes Guy, I stole your word!).

I never thought that I would actually say this, but I am enjoying a liberal studies (LBST) course and a Political Science (POLS) course. They are the same course technically, its a LBST course in the field of political science, which I signed up for on a whim. I really wasn't sure what I was getting myself into with the course, its web-based and its supposed to be a study of the Internet on other cultures. Unlike Mr. Long, Dr. Brown acknowledges that Dr. Postel existed and also feels about the same way as I do about him. I don't think there is any better way for an intstructor to get my attention than to be slightly out of the ordinary like that and suprise me with her opinion.

At the moment I am not sure of my schedule for next semester, but as always I have the wildcard slot open for a course to slide into. Currently competing for that slot are 2 of the courses that Dr. Brown teaches, as well as Ceramics, Human Sexuality (the sociology version) and anything else that may spark my interest from the catalog anytime in the next few months (registration begins in November). If things go well this semester I might allow myself to take more than one wildcard course (i say wildcard, not elective, because a wildcard course for me doens't have to be an elective, as long as I enjoy it). I don't really want to stretch my time at UNCC out too much, but I would like to enjoy my time here, make some friends and just overall learn to become a responsible adult capable of living in the world.

Im in the labs at UNCC and they have a lot of new Dells, I particularly like the monitors. I guess they are 15", but they are still kinda awesome. I should really consider getting some like these. In addition to being extreamly clear they are also very stylish and have a smaller footprint than my current monitors. Damn! Im a nerd!

Today I got a rude awakening in my ITIS2300 course, my instructor (who moved to COIT from COB), thinks too much like a person of business in the way he decides to cover the history of the Internet. I was expecting a lot more detail and a lot less "fluff" and inacuracy. The first thing that pissed me off was the inacurate description of the first octet of an IPv4 address. He stated that it is indicating a physical location. While its true that each of the networks is delegates to one of seven regional management organizations, as a general rule, the geography thing doesn't apply. Also, he seemed totally oblivious to the classes (A - E) of IP addresses. The man states himself to be a long-time instructor of IT and the history of computing, but he is nothing but a sophist professing his "understanding" of IT. Next thing, (this will be no shock to those of you who know me well) there was no mention of the involvement of Jon Postel, Dave Crocker, or any of the founding fathers of the standardized Internet. I know I am somewhat of a Postelian nazi with my level of admiration of the Postelian way, but could Mr. Long not have mentioned him even once? Come on, the guy gave most of his life to the Internet, but instead we have to deal with this Tim Berners-Lee shmuck? So Lee developed HTTP, and HTML, what does it matter if he uses his inventions for really horrid thing like forcing conventions upon people?

Next issue with Mr. Long, he cusses like a sailer (well, he used to be one, but thats no excuse). I expect some profanity because of the fact that this is a University (and now that I think of it, had to deal with it some in High School with Mrs. Winders), but to make a point of including something vulgar in every sentance is not what I expected when entering that classroom. Maybe he left COB because he was kicked out for being "unprofessional"?

Something else that bothers me is how easily Mr. Long can just blow something off. I made a simple comment about the absence of Dr. Postel, and he felt the need to become defensive and in a quite rude mannor state that he didn't have time to include everything. Wonder if hes ever seen an RFC.

ok, rant done... next fish!

It could be said that any part is a whole in itself, because any one thing that is identifiable is "one", a whole.

In case anyone is curious about what is on my academic book list for the semester, here they are (being on the list doesn't mean I will actually read it completely):

[PHIL3211]
Greek Philosophy: Thales to Aristotle (Allen) [ISBN 0029004950]
Greek and Roman Philosophy After Arisitotle (Saunders) [ISBN 0684836432]

[ITIS2300]
Programming the Web Using XHTML and JavaScript [ISBN 0072560312]
Guide to the Web [ISBN0201745623]
Programming the Web Using VisualStudio.NET [ISBN 0072836180]

[ITCS1215]
Beginning Java2 SDK [ISBN 1890774294]

[MATH1165]
Discreet Mathematics [ISBN 0131176862]

[LBST2102]
NONE

Is it worse to be replaced or to be a replacement? In the displacement of one entity for another, is the net effect worth the actual displacement?

In a few hours I am due back at UNCC for my first class of the semester. I am going to an orientation for one of my online courses at 8AM. It is supposed to be a library workshop as well as learn how to WebCT. I really wish I knew why my instrucor (Dr. Cheryl Brown) insisted on this when I went through the same thing for my English 1102 course and I have been using WebCT for like over a year now.

Having completed a 16 week course in 3 days last week I am feeling confident in my ability to take on the material that is about to be thrown at me, but the social nervousness makes up for any bit of confidence that I may have.

One year ago my life was a little different, I was enterering as a scared freshman, I didn't know anyone and didn't really have a need to, because I was just happy to be on the campus and not be scared of it. Hopefully this year I will avoid being an outcast by not acting like one. I have 9 hours of class on campus each week, as well as 6 hours web-based that I think will keep me from being bored for a while. Some of the material for the courses I have this semester I have already gone over in some of my other academic pursuits (fits of bordem?) which should make the load lighter to handle.

At the moment I think I am slightly pissed because I have nothing to do for some of my courses, even though I should. Mrs. Scott activated the course, but hasn't turned on the assignments yet, so she is still dangling that ball of yarn in front of me.

I guess I am excited about my classes, I think I would be moreso if I didn't have to be there at 8am, but I guess it wont kill me for 2 days.

Today I for some reason decided I wanted to work on GITI v2 (maybe because I would like to use it in about 11 days), and I think I've finally decided upon a functionality. I am discovering tonight that I have learned a lot since GITI's original creation, this includes about PHP, my usage and expectations of a personal information manager (PIM), as well as about GITI itself. That may sound strange, me learning about something I created, but its true. There are things I didn't realize about why I did things the way I did at first, but now that I am diving back into the old code and looking it over again and trying to adapt it for v2, it is becoming much clearer to me. Tonight I managed to complete the transition to the database driven menu system (at least its core), now I just need to add all of the commands, and finally adapt all of the modules and their functions to use the new system. I think this will be a difficult task, but at the same time will make me more familiar with my own code. Hopefully along the way of correcting issues with the code that make it incompatible with v2 I might actually find time to structure the code so it makes sense. On my long-term plan is an intention to rewrite all of the v1 code so that it makes more sense.

I have been becoming very confused with GITI lately, there are so many new functions I want to add, then there is the burden of actually getting v2 100% running (burden for now, but once functional, im sure it will be more than worth it). I have given consideration to things like a ceramics module (keeping piece-by-piece info, firing schedules, etc) and even things as bizare as a mood-tracker that would affect a status indicator on my blog (dont know why anyone would ever need to know my moods?).

One of my main conceptual problems at the moment is the ability to access the course list. I can do it like I used to and it still be making it simpler, but I really want to take it a step beyond that. There is a side-bar that I haven't used for anything yet in the class/education module that I could probably put a small class list in, as well as move the current "active class activities" include to. At the moment there is just so much going on in my mind with GITI as well as everything else, its getting hard to keep up with my thoughts.

The new journal module (previously itemjournal) is now fully functional and is coming in quite handy for those little notes, and thoughts that I need to throw down somewhere. In a way it is kind of like having a way to use digital post-it notes on a per-item basis. I don't currently intend to transistion the old journal module to v2, it will die in v1, but I intend to convert all of the current content to the new module, then have the new module to take on the same name as the old module (for both its file as well as its table).

why am i going into so much detail here? its not like any of you are GITI developers or even care what I do with GITI, although I know what some of you wish for me to do with GITI.