There it is, proof that nothing dies on the Internet. During 2003-2004 I worked on a document known as an Internet-Draft document... documents with the power of RFCs with a short-term goal, or documents that are candidates for being RFCs. My document was in the second category, it was on the independent submission track for Informational RFC documents. Funny thing about I-Ds, they expire after 6 months. Once expired they are deleted from the IETF's official archives. Unfortunately, to this day, when you search for "kularski" in Google, that document still comes up, haunting me.

I remain a little embarrassed at the simplicity and narrow view of the document, but yet there is no way to make the Internet forget that it existed. To make things worse, the document is linked from many SPAM resource websites as well as referenced in a patent application or two. Its really quite a horrible document and I don't know why anyone would list it or reference it.

Proof that it is DEAD: https://datatracker.ietf.org/drafts/draft-kularski-spam-spamreduce/

Internet Society's copy of the draft: http://ietfreport.isoc.org/all-ids/draft-kularski-spam-spamreduce-06.txt

I really wish this document from my past would go away now.

Lately there has been a trend among my friends and acquaintances from high school.... they are all getting married or getting partnered up in some form or another. I feel so strange because its as though everyone else is moving forward and I'm just stuck. Everyone seems so certain about their futures, and I'm in undecided hell, waiting to figure out what I want to do with my life.

It is really sad when you figure out that all of your friends go to bed right after you do... kind of means you are at the top of the social pole I guess... Odd feeling, since usually I consider myself the lowest form of social contact.

Not much again today. Woke up kind of late, which really felt good. I went to help my aunt some more today. We got a lot done, painted some cement flowers, oiled a glider, pruned some bushes, places a glow in the dark mushroom and watched National Treasure 2 while eating some Italian fast food (I had Garlic-Herb Roasted Chicken with Broccoli in a cream sauce). At varying points during the day I also took some pictures. I don't know how well or not they came out. I will check on that in the morning, hopefully before going on a hike.

Got up, got a message that my aunt called. Went to my hair appointment at the salon, then off to my aunt's house to help her with her annual Independence Day party preparations. As usual, nothing really got done. We sanded a swing (technically its a glider, but I don't think many people know what those are), then had a quick trip to Lowe's to pick up some more paint for the actual swing...9 cans of spray paint and a new Dremel later, we returned. Sanding finished just as it started to rain, then it was declared dinner time. We ate, and as usual, nothing happens after food, so we watched National Tressure and got sleepy and that ends the day. I'm tired and ready for bed, and there is a cute guy in my bed waiting for me.

Do you know who you are? Are you the same person to everyone you meet? Are there parts of your life that you hide from others to make your life simpler? The art of interpersonal communication teaches us that we are someone different to everyone we meet, but how deep do these presenting faces need to go? At what point of fracturing do we no longer know ourselves?

Why do we create these barriers? Is there a need to lie to keep them in place? Why are we scared of everyone knowing the real us? Life is full of judgement, jealousy and guilt. These problems are only increased by denying our true selves.

Everyone deserves happiness, but not at the cost of the happiness of others. 

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/06/24/naked.cowboy/index.html

I don't really like sharing news stories, because usually news sucks, but this is something I found funny, on varying levels. First, Mars should know better; Second, why would anyone dress like that in NYC?; Third, aren't there laws for this type of thing?

On a different level, the costume sucks. The hat is ok, but the underwear is completely tacky, the guitar is ugly and the boots... well... thats a no-no, can't have that, they clash with his skin. Naked cowboys are supposed to wear black boots, carry a black guitar and wear underwear that is more plain than that. Oh, and he really needs a haircut, long hair cowboys are so last decade. Take a closer look: http://dontdatethatdude.files.wordpress.com/2008/02/naked-cowboy2.jpg 

Other than that, he has a nice body and being a complete public spectacle like that, with that level of vulnerability is kind of cool.

A little while ago while I was taking a piss, my new LG Chocolate II yelled "Loss of Servuce", quite randomly. I have always turned on the voice command functionality of my LG phones, since I don't like ringtones. I have never in the history of LG phones I have owned (this is my 3rd) had a phone to so selfishly yell out its state to me. I am used to message notifications and incoming call notices, but this is certainly new. Oddly enough, I didn't witness the "No Service" moment, I had 4 bars of 1X Digital service when I got back to the phone. Service levels are always low at home, so I hope I don't have to deal with the phone screaming at me like this much.

In the past few days I joined Digg, Del.icio.us, and a few other communal dumping grounds, thinking that they would  help me find my place in the blogosphere, but instead, they are just adding more clutter and becoming another useless tool that I have access to. I wouldn’t want to share my bookmarks with people I know, and certainly not with people I don’t know. I have tried working with Del.icio.us in Windows Live Writer, but all I can do is post all of my recent bookmarks, and that’s not useful to me at all. I like the idea of posting links, but not in that way. Something that would be more useful to me is the ability to provide something with a URL and let it get a preview of it, like the images, and maybe a few bits of text. I guess that’s what some of the other tools I have available to me are for. If anyone cares what I have bookmarked, have a look, I’m not shy, but I’ll warn you, the links are pretty lame: http://del.icio.us/kularski.

"Artistic talent is a gift from God and whoever discovers it in himself has a certain obligation: to know that he cannot waste this talent, but must develop it"

--Pope John Paul II

Thursday, June 26, 2008

5:39 PM

I don't usually do these types of things, but I'm bored and there's nothing interesting to blog about.

Beer: dad
McDonalds: trash 
Relationships: handcuffs
Purple: flower
Power Rangers: fetish
Cartoons: Saturday morning
Florida: orange
Reading: beach
Halloween: night
Alice: crazy bitch
MySpace: TO HELL WITH IT!
Feet: yum 
Marriage: fags
Paris: fags
Pat: and Vanna
Redheads: Irish
Blondes: Aryans
One night stands: sad
Donald Trump: ugly
Neverland: its got testicles
Pixie: Scottie
Vanilla ice cream: bland
Hooters: too many tits
High school musical: Zach Efron
Pajamas: fuzzy
Woody: don't look!

Re: http://somedaytrue.livejournal.com/116437.html

This morning I was running over Google News, looking at things that appeal to me, and I came across an article about a 94 year old potter in California. It is inspiring to think that it is possible to go into a career that one loves so much and still be able to do it at that age. Mr. Heino was not influenced by the sculptural ceramics movement, instead he has stayed true to functional ware. He is quite an inspiration.

Otto Heino  - Master Potter

This image is evidence that I presently suck at using the CyberPad as a drawing tool. It will take me some time, but I intend to become proficient in using the pad for anything I can find to possibly use it for, including as an artistic tool for drawing. I attribute most of the crudeness of this drawing to the fact it was really quick with an application that is really designed for single stroke operation. In my opinion, it looks like a graphic for a really bad DOS game.

Western Landscape in Digital Ink

The ink thing didn't go so smoothly at first. For some reason, I couldn't get Windows Live Writer to write the correct path to the MovableType asset that it created. I had to login to the MT administration page for the first time in several days to correct the problem. I believe there was a configuration problem in WLW for the blog account itself, but I have fixed that problem now . I'm back to doing FTP upload for my images, since I prefer that method locally anyway. Its amazing the number of things WLW will do for me without me having to think about them. That whole image resizing thing is easier now that it will do it for me from files and then post the files to the correct folder on the server. Only thing I am not too happy about is the way it names stuff. The previous blog has a file called cb4a7aaeea24_1298C\Ink258377682672.png stored in it. Very obnoxious, but in most cases it gives me folder names that are manageable and make sense.

Didn't mean to tangent about the wonders of Windows Live Writer, back to Ink Blogging. I have no clue how I'm going to use it, but it now works correctly and I am a little excited about having it ready.

Anyone got any ideas on what I should do with this ability? How would you use an ink blog?

I have been playing with Windows Live Writer, the "Ink Blog" plugin for Tablet PC and my Addesso CyberTablet. I have been unable to use my tablet effectively in Windows XP because Windows XP "Professional" lacks the ability to understand a pen input device natively, but Vista Business on the other hand, knows how to handle it well. I think this is the first time I have truely felt like Vista did anything better than XP. All hope isn't lost, Vista does have some good traits. My only complaint is that there are way too many layers of software at work to make this work. Windows Vista for driver control, the Adesso driver for input recognition, "InkBlog" for capturing the ink, and WLW for making the InkBlog data useful.

Since posting my complaint about the bad placement of the WLW publish dialog I have received two responses through the blog's comment functionality.

The first from a Windows Live Writer developer, handled the complaint as a request for functionality, this would be very correct handling. Moving the dialog, or at the least not making it completely lock the window would be a good solution. Thank you Brandon for taking time to respond to my concerns about the product. I plan to keep up with the preview releases of the application to watch it grow. I feel that WLW is a very strong application and is quite unique in its category.

The second reply, from J. Cheng, suggests that I simply open multiple windows of the same application. I don't know if you have noticed this or not Mr. Cheng, but thats what I am trying to avoid. Not everyone has unlimited CPU power and memory, and those of us who do have unlimited CPU and RAM are usually limited on the amount of space we can spare in our task bar, and moving to a wider aspect ratio is not an option. I would prefer to waste less resources and be able to chain-blog without the redundant overhead.

With the way I have been working lately, I might suggest that it may be feasible for now to run an instance of WLW on each machine I am working at, but unfortunately I work a lot with server operating systems, which WLW will not install on.

I like the application a lot, but it is still young, and there are still a lot of problems with it. I will not give up on it, it makes blogging way too easy .

The LG Chocolate II (VX-8550) arrived this morning at 11:26. Took me a while to get it activated after it went through its 4 hour charging cycle. I had to call Verizon and deal with a human because VZW was being a bunch of bitches about my plan and not letting it activate normally because they wanted to have a chance to talk me into a new plan to go with my phone. I'm sitting on my $25 per month plan and my ass isn't moving from it until I need to. I don't need a fancy-ass plan because I don't really go away from home that much, and when I am at home I use my digital phone service instead of my cell phone. Once activated, the phone was connected to VZW and programmed in under a minute. As soon as that process was finished it was a very simple process to connect to "Get It Now" to download my contacts (which had been uploaded using the same process on the old phone).

This phone is very similar in design to my MP3 player (a SanDisk Sansa E250). It is just a little bigger. I believe I will be able to use my phone as an MP3 player as well without a problem. The VX-8300 was supposed to do that function too, but its form was too much like a phone, it just didn't feel normal to listen to MP3s on it. I'm hoping to combine two devices here for "on-the-go" stuff, although, my Sansa will still be my "at-home" personal audio device.  It will be nice to take the Chocolate in my car and plug it in to the receiver and have whatever music I want with me that way instead of relying on burned CDs (which don't really work in the winter or summer, or night or morning).

I have spent the last little while working on getting pictures of my contacts into my phone.

This Friday, June 27, 2008, will be a sad day for geeks everywhere. Bill Gates is retiring from Microsoft. In many aspects no one will know the difference, but as Steve Ballmer has been quoted in many articles, it just won't be the same. Three people have been selected to replace Bill Gates in his critical functions. I used to be such a Bill Gates fan when I was younger, even reading many books about the beginnings of Microsoft. It is an odd thing to think of Microsoft without equating it to Bill Gates. It is something that has always been, but is just days away from being no more.

http://www.newsweek.com/id/142636

Since Jared decided to comment on the material of the holster, I decided to go ahead and post information about the holster itself. It is a very simple holster and it is fairly universal between LG phones (it is shown here holding an older model LG phone). It is made of leather on all parts that come into contact with the phone, with an ABS plastic clip to attach to me.

Dear developers of Windows Live Writer... with keeping the Microsoft tradition of multi-tasking, I humbly request that you move the publishing indicator to the tray, and get it out of my way, so that I can chain post in peace. Better yet MS, go ahead and make WLW tabbed, just because you can't steal the idea directly from another product doesn't mean it isn't good.

 
WLW Publishing box - Its big, it locks the parent window and it's useless

Crocs are not attractive footwear. Crocs do not make good cell phone cases. Crocs are hideous, revolting and should not be sold in any English speaking country. I was so disgusted yesterday when I was presented with the option of a Croc case for my cell phone... and an assortment of little "add-ons" to make it even more ugly. Crocs have no purpose trying to keep anything safe. The material is better suited for use as a laundry basket... something that needs ventilation for proper function. For Croc supporters, don't even give me an argument about wearing them at the fucking beach, if I am going to be in contact with that much water and sand, I am not going to be wearing something that will let that much sand and water in, but isn't open enough to let it all go back out, and plus, they are ugly. I have two options at the beach:

Be a man, don't wear plastic shoes.

After wrestling with choices for a new cell phone before my new 2 year timer begins, I finally made a choice. I have selected the LG VX8550, also known as the Chocolate. I ordered it in black. I got a different type  of belt clip for this one. Instead of my usual dorky rigid plastic clip, I'm going with a more open holster that will allow me to access my phone quicker. Ordered the data cable with the phone, but I don't think it will be of any more use to me than the one for the VX8300 was.

I was very excited by the LG Voyager at first, but for what I do, it really isn't practical.  I'm not exactly a cell phone geek, but for some reason I am excited about the Chocolate, it might be that attraction to shiny black things that I have... but this one isn't leather. Anyway, Ill post more info once the phone arrives next week.

I am trying my absolute best in my Personal Health and Wellness course, but for the past 3 weeks I have scored 99 out of a possible 100 on my weekly test. I am happy the scores are high,but am slightly pissed at myself because I can't manage to push them over the 100 mark... and it doesn't make me feel any better that I have 38 points of extra credit.... the extra credit in my world is supposed to be an extra cushion that will let me have a worry-free final exam session, not make up for mistakes during the semester. I guess if I am going to keep this stress-free I'm going to have to chill a bit.

Just when you think that there are rules for every situation, something totally bizarre comes along and rocks the boat. I found a recent sports article very amusing, check it out:

Minor League Switch-Pitcher Sets Off Confusion

I now have 10 email accounts in Thunderbird. Why? I don't know. I don't do enough shit to need that many accounts!

curtis.kularski.net
This is the oldest account in Thunderbird. I have had this email account for many years. This account now seems to be where a lot of crap I don't care about ends up landing. I don't read most of the mail that lands there. There is a bit of SPAM that goes to the box, but its a manageable amount. There is a wild-card address system associated wit the account that doesn't really meet my needs anymore. With just throwing a few things around I can probably easily cut down the amount of "real" email that goes to this box and remove it from Thunderbird, checking it by web when I really need to.

studboi.net
I hardly get any mail on this account, but when I do it is personal or important, so I think I want to keep it in Thunderbird.  Kind of a fun domain name too, which always gets votes for keeping an account.

j----------s.net
Email provided for me by a friend. Mostly for dealing with stuff from his website, usually of an erotic nature. I don't really use this account anymore, and it is highly spammed, mostly because it has been so public for so long. I don't really think I need to keep this in Thunderbird... or in some cases, at all. I get some email there, but only for things like Yahoo Groups, which I can easily move.

s----------h.net
Another erotic purpose address. This one is probably a keeper, its kind of a cute address and I like it, so no need to remove it from Thunderbird, but it is further reason to remove the previous account from Thunderbird.

claymentality.net
When I thought I was going to be a ceramic artist, this was a good address.  It gave me a foundation for creating a ceramic business. I'm not sure I want to do ceramics like that right now in my life, and I certainly don't give out an email address on the domain to many people. I think I should kill the account and make it an alias account to go to one of my other remaining accounts, that will also remove it from Thunderbird. Maybe one day... if things change, I will reinstate it, but for now, I don't need the excess bloat.

kularski.org
Well isn't it obvious? Its my personal email on my family domain! I've got to keep it.... don't I? Ok, heres the deal with this one. This is an email address I use all the time and keep up with, but I don't ever read it in Thunderbird, honestly I think checking it with Thunderbird is fucking (WLW has flagged "fucking" as being misspelled) obnoxious. I almost always do this one with the Google GMail interface. Account will stay, but it doesn't need to be in Thunderbird.

x.pcfire.net
Designated junkmail collector! I have filtered, tagged and flagged this account really well in GMail, so its a really nice replacement for the above mentioned curtis.kularski.net address. I just added this one to Thunderbird this morning. I love using this box, but I can't see myself ever checking it during the day regularly enough for it to matter. My voicemail goes there, my notifications for things go there, its like an all-in-one collector. It needs to be in Thunderbird.

ncsu.edu, uncc.edu, and unc.edu
These three encompass my academic email world, but honestly, they don't need to be in Thunderbird all year round. I would love to find a way to consolidate all of these actually. I don't mean find a way to get a NorthCarolina.edu address (would be UNC System Email), but more or less, pick a school to be my home and keep all of my email on one mail server. Only problem is, spacing isn't allowed the same on all of them, so I don't know what to do. I suppose I should pray and come back to these. It seems like every time I enroll in a class somebody wants to give me a free email address.

That leaves me with 6 addresses still to consider in Thunderbird. I guess baby steps are key here.

I should also confess... This isn't all of my addresses, there are about 5 more that don't even get considered in Thunderbird. I really don't need all of the email addresses I have been given.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I am writing some of my blog entries in "Windows Live Writer" now. It is a little simpler than logging into Movable Type every time I want to make a post, but there are a lot of problems with it as well. First of all, It doesn't understand the multi-level category concept, therefore all of my categories are in a flat list, which in some situations makes very little sense. Also, I can only select one category at a time, bummer.

Windows Live Writer is a more comfortable writing environment for me, its more like writing in Word, including the auto-save functions. I am not constantly being careful of what I do in my browser so that I don't crash mid-edit. MovableType offers some protection, but not enough to make me happy.  WLW allows me to set a publish date, the same as MT does, but for "in the moment" posts, it posts the actual publication time, not the time that I first thought about writing, which is often a few hours before I even get started on anything. There is also the benefit of Microsoft's wonderful spell checking engine, I am not relying on A-Spell or the OpenOffice spelling kit to give me bad suggestions.

The coolest thing about WLW is that it offers some really neat plugins that help me do what I want to do. For example, I can now link in Flickr content without having to either publish from Flickr or create my own little linked thumbnail set. Some of the plugins are a little lame though, most of them are for programmers (makes sense, programmers wrote them), things like "code snippets" and "insert from console". Neat features, just not useful to most people (but they are useful to me sometimes). There also some more blog-traditional plugins, like the "currently listening" and "tags" plugins. I'm looking forward to using the Amazon.com functionality at some point, it looks really cool.

Some problems I have run into are that it won't install on Windows Server at all, which nocks out 2 of my primary systems from being able to run it, restricting it to my laptop and to only one OS of my desktop (Vista). The other thing that pisses me off is that there is only 1 ink-blogging tool available and it is for TabletPC users only. I want to write from my tablet too damn it!

I wish WLW were more of a "full service" blog tool, but I'll take what I can get. It would be neat to manage comments and be able to respond to them from here, but I cant. I never thought I would use a WYSIWYG blog application, but I am and I kind of like it.

WLW is part of the Microsoft Windows Live Desktop Pack if you wish to give it a try. You can get it at http://get.live.com/ (felt great not having to do that link by hand).

This morning I opened my Google Analytics account and not shockingly.... my site about my erotic interests (not even really considered porn) gets about 60 hits per day now, that's up from like 40 in January. DisturbingThoughts is still sitting reliably at about 15 hits per day. The sites clearly have very different audiences. Oddly enough, not everyone who visits either site do I know personally. There are a few repeat visitors to DT, and a lot to SB, but I don't know these people personally (Thanks for spreading my seed Google!). The funniest thing though, the hits to both sites from Greensboro, NC stay almost exactly even and the same on both sites... almost like I'm being stalked. At about 111 hits per month from Greensboro, I think something is going on there ;-) Maybe my peanut gallery of friends might want to chime in with some ideas there?

Even though Disturbing Thoughts has been around way longer and has more high quality levels of misguided thought processes than SB, SB is the one that appeals to the erotic side of people and therefore it gets more hits. Maybe I'm wrong though, maybe there just aren't enough good sites for porn?

ok, I was going to link to this video, but since Windows Live Writer has taken it upon itself to reinterpret my wishes (Thanks Microsoft!), I'm going to leave this here for posterity. OK, so I add YouTube to the list of places I can't directly paste links from (Flickr, Amazon, Picasa Web and eBay are some others). 

Just to let everyone know. I am ok and doing fine. I have had a lot on my mind this week, some stuff I've been dealing with. Nothing to be concerned about, I just need to get myself to use the weekend to chill and get back in the groove of things.

Most readers/friends seem to know that the more I post the happier I am as a person. The less I post, the more depressed I am. Well... i've posted a lot this month, but not so much in the last few days. The last few days have actually been happy for me. Fairly uneventful, but still... very happy. Next week I'm hoping for eventful and happy.

According to the Internet Addiction Activity in my Health/Wellness course... I am not an Internet addict. I scored 28 on the following survey.
---
Score the following on a scale of 1 - 5 (1 is rarely/never and 5 is always).

1. How often do you find that you stay online longer than you intended?
2. How often do you neglect household chores to spend more time online?
3. How often do you prefer the excitement of the Internet to intimacy with your partner?
4. How often do you form new relationships with fellow online users?
5. How often do others in your life complain to you about the amount of time you spend online?
6. How often do your grades or school work suffer because of the amount of time you spend online?
7. How often do you check your e-mail before something else that you need to do?
8. How often does your job performance or productivity suffer because of the Internet?
9. How often do you become defensive or secretive when anyone else asks you what you do online?
10. How often do you block out disturbing thoughts about your life with soothing thoughts about the Internet?
11. How often do you find yourself anticipating when you will go online again?
12. How often do you fear that life without the Internet would be boring, empty, and joyless?
13. How often do you snap, yell, or act annoyed if someone bothers you while you are online?
14. How often do you lose sleep to late-night log-ons?
15. How often do you feel preoccupied with the Internet when off-line, or fantasize about being online?
16. How often do you find yourself saying "just a few more minutes" when online?
17. How often do you try to cut down the amount of time you spend online and fail?
18. How often do you try to hide how long you've been online?
19. How often do you choose to spend more time online over going out with others?
20. How often do you feel depressed, moody, or nervous when you are off-line, which goes away once you are back online?

The higher your score, the greater your level of addiction and the problems your Internet usage causes.

20-49 points: You are an average Internet user. You may surf the Web a bit too long at times, but you have control over your usage.

50-79 points: You are experiencing occasional or frequent problems because of the Internet. You should consider the Internet's full impact on your life.

80-100 points: Your Internet usage is causing significant problems in your life. You should evaluate the impact of the Internet on your life and address the problems directly caused by your Internet usage.
to take action.

In a few days my UNC Onyen password expires, and it will continue to expire every 90 days after that. The typical semester is more like 120 days, so why does UNC force a password change so soon? I am as much for security as anyone, but UNCC seems to have a better system, they force a password change once every 180 days. I sort of think that password expiration should be based on the strength of the password. I don't feel like my password is at all compromised.... I never write it down, and even if I were to say it out loud, no one would remember what it is. I do appreciate the fact that UNC wants us to keep things secure by not reusing the same password all the time, but damn this is annoying.

My father and I aren't particularly close and he doesn't show emotion at all (I guess thats why most gay guys associate most with their mothers), but today I got the impression that he was upset by the fact that I ignored/forgot father's day this year. On Mother's day he glared in a very mean way and acted as though the gift I gave her (a Hamilton Beach BrewStation, she loves coffee) somehow interfered with his life. In addition, he has always hated opening gifts... so why would I trouble him with something like father's day? Today he seemed bothered that I didn't acknowledge it in any way... I guess even the most annoying emotionless rocks need to be told that they are loved occasionally.

FireFox 3 is now available for download: http://www.getfirefox.com

I just received the following study invitation from UNC. For such an invasive study, it seems that there is very little information given.

---
Are You a Healthy Male Age 18 to 49?

Interested in Participating in a Clinical Research Study???

Investigators at UNC are looking for healthy men to participate in a
drug study!

1 Month Commitment - 1 Week on Study Drug
2 Inpatient Stays in the Research Center
Must be willing to have a flexible sigmoidoscopy
and provide rectal biopsies at two time points
$1350 Compensation for Completion of All Study Visits

Please contact Dr. Kevin Brown at UNCdrugstudy@gmail.com or
(919)962-0029 if you would like to learn more!

Earlier this evening I was reviewing the contents of my "Inspiration" folder. It is a little folder that resides on my personal share on my server. The folder contains images I have collected for a while, most of which are very personal to me. The images represent my artistic and aesthetic interests. The folder contains a lot of pictures of muscular men, vases, bowls, and a variety of others I have collected over time. This folder is strange in that it reflects who I am at any given moment. I change moods and feelings so much, but this folder is always a strong collection of how I feel and whats on my mind over a longer period of time.

I started this folder several years ago when I first met Ms. Joan Tweedy, my first ceramics instructor. She told several of us who she felt were destined to enter ceramics as more than just an academic interest that we should begin collecting pictures of things that excited us and made us want to create. She stated to use walls for "active" interests and a box for "collecting". I took this a little more metaphorically and began collecting imagery in a folder on the server. I have used this folder off-and-on through my artistic adventures.

I started this entry with the title "Being Gay and An Artist", because a lot of the images in the folder are naked or half naked men, or little things from fetish interests I have. I looked at the folder and sort of had to giggle about how weird I have been about my aesthetic interests that have mixed with my erotic interests, because when those interests are shared, it comes down to aesthetics. I like it because its pretty! I have avoided including some aspects of the Inspiration in my work because I don't want to be a gay artist, I want to be an artist who is also gay. When looking at the things I have focused on in the folder, most of the stuff seems really harmless, even if I were straight. The picture of chain, or the picture of a bicep could be integrated into something without risking anything. There is even a great symbolism that can be pulled from the picture of a tan muscled guy who is bound tightly in white rope.

If I am to become a serious artist, I think I must review my Inspiration folder and take it seriously, every last byte of information there is precious. Things I care about are there, they aren't in some random still life.

The number one problem with distance education courses is that the instructor isn't close enough to strangle when they do something stupid. I have a health assignment due on June 14th, and it is still not posted to the course website. There were problems with the instructor not having things posted early in the semester, and I assumed that this was because the course had just gotten started and the instructor has a new baby. The missing assignment was noticed by several students about a week ago, and it would appear that the instructor hasn't been in the course since then. A little funny, students are supposed to check in to the course twice per week, but I suppose that doesn't apply to the instructor whose primary job it is to keep up with the course.

Hanging above my bed....

School of Athens [48" x 36"]

Opposite, above my television...

Orion Nebula [36" x 24"]

Beside my desk....

Mike Bibby [24" x 36"]

In my closet....

Justin Timberlake [24" x 36"]

I hate my time-of-day pictures from my project this weekend. I think they are redundant and boring. I would have been much happier doing different scenes at the different times... perhaps based on what looks best for each scene. I felt restricted because I needed to be around the same place for 12 hours and I couldn't see myself hanging around at my preferred landscape (Crowders Mountain) for 12 hours to do the photos, and climbing there 6 times definitely wasn't going to happen. I think the pictures absolutely suck, but I suppose I will post them to the gallery this evening sometime.

I am not typically a day person, at least, not a dawn-to-dusk person. My present photography assignment requires me to be awake from "early morning" until "early evening" to get different levels of light. At the current time I am not being a "day walker", so this assignment will be a bitch, but I suppose I will get it done.

This very interesting questionnaire was part of the resources listed for this week's activities in my Personal Health and Wellness course: http://advocatesforyouth.org/lessonplans/heterosexual2.htm.

For the past few months I have been playing a PC video game, something that wasn't normal for me for the longest portion of my life (unless we include Chess, Checkers, and Minesweeper). For a long time I never had any interest in computer games, especially not first person shooters, I considered them to be pointless. Now I find myself drawn to playing an old game that I played many years ago, Doom. Lately through a tool called ZDaemon, I have been playing the old standard Doom and Doom 2 games. In addition I have been playing with some add-on files for those games (WAD files) which extend what the game is capable of and provide new and more interesting game maps. When I originally started playing Doom again I was worried that I might become more aggressive or perhaps more anti-social, but I have noticed lately that it has made me more calm and less easily stressed about things. In addition, I have been playing in "cooperative" mode and have experimented playing with a specifically cooperative WAD. This type of co-dependent team-based game play is something I have never experienced before, but I have found it to be a good way to become closer to a person and begin to understand the cooperative strategies of that person.

I don't know why I am posting this, I guess it seems like the only major aspect of my life I haven't written about yet.

For my personal health and wellness course this semester I had to fill out a worksheet stating my feelings about sex and other assorted topics. As most of you know, I am gay, with a tendency to act asexual most of the time. I don't make a lot of other information available to my general audience.

This evening on the course discussion board there was a married guy who was objecting to the worksheet and was requesting an alternate assignment because "Many of the questions are only acceptable for discussion between me, my wife, and my physician - certainly not in an academic environment." If this was a survey at the start of a programming course I would agree with him, but its not, this is 2 weeks into "PERSONAL Health/Wellness". Sexual health is part of the overall wellness circle, so we have to cover it. If I was dealing with a gym teacher and this material I would be more concerned about this, but my instructor is quite qualified in the area.

Below is the worksheet. The rules are that all questions must be answered to the best of our ability, and she will keep all answers confidential (unlike her human sexuality course which has to discuss everything openly).
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1. What are your religious, moral, and/or personal values regarding relationships and sex? When do you think it is right to start having sexual relationships--under what circumstances and with whom? Where do you think your ideas come from? Do you feel comfortable describing your values to others?

2. Would you like to be involved in a long-term relationship someday? If so, when? If you are currently involved in such a relationship, is it something that you always imagined you would have? What are some things that are different than you expected?

3. Do you want to have children? If so, when and how many? How would you feel if you found out you couldn't have children? What are you doing to prevent getting pregnant right now if children are not immediately in your plan?

4. What are your major priorities and goals at this time? How would a sexual relationship fit in with these priorities and goals? Would it help you achieve your goals, detract from your efforts, or have no real effect?

5. What are the possible consequences--positive and negative--of being involved in a sexual relationship at this time? List the potential consequences to you in all areas of wellness, including such things as physical problems from STDs, emotional changes in a relationship, and financial costs of contraception.
Do you feel ready to deal with all of the items on your list?

6. How would you feel if you or your partner became pregnant at this time? What outcome do you think you'd feel most comfortable with--continuing the pregnancy and raising the child, giving the child up for adoption, getting married, having an abortion? Do you feel emotionally and financially ready to be a
parent?

7. How would you feel if you were exposed to a sexually transmitted disease? Would it affect how you think about yourself and/or your partner? Do you think you could take responsibility for obtaining proper treatment and informing partners?

8. How does your current sexual behavior fit in with your values and life plan? How does that make you feel? If you are currently acting in any way that is counter to your values or goals, consider why that is so? Have you just not thought about how your current behavior could affect your future? Or are you
feeling pressure from yourself, your partner, or some other source?

9. Describe your childhood experience regarding sex information. Did your parents or a trusted adult talk to you about sex? What do you remember? Was the tone positive or negative? Who taught you the names of your body parts? What was the sexual tone in the home you grew up in? Did you see either of your parents act affectionately? Did your parents share their values about sexual relationships? What did you think about what they said?
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What do you think?

This evening I was working on a new website that I plan to release soon, it is for my art. I have been trying to develop the website without doing any of the actual writing that is required (including my present nemesis: the artist's statement). As a placeholder I have been using Lorem Ipsum text. Originally I thought that Lorem Ipsum was a new invention of absolute giberish, but it seems to actually have a long heritage. Check it out: http://www.lipsum.com/

I was contemplating careers tonight as I was driving home, I am adding Art Instructor to the list. Seems to fit what I like.

I am never amazed at the stupidity of some people and organizations. Google has been in violation of a California law requiring commercial websites hosted in the state to have a privacy policy linked from their homepage for 5 years. Google has their policy available from their About page (one click from Home), but the people bitching about this say it isn't good enough. Why is this such a problem? I don't really get it. First of all, if you don't see a policy listed, go the fuck away from the site. Second, this is Google, privacy is irrelevant, they collect data on everyone and store it for some unknown future project. Google could move its offices to Russia and then blackmail every person in the United States and we would all be fucked, so its already too late for all of us. Third, Google doesn't require or even really encourage registration (except iGoogle), so all they can know and store is what you search for and your IP address and then where you go.

If you are afraid of what Google might be doing with information about you, it might be time to check yourself into a different Internet.

I haven't done a quote entry recently and I ran across a good one earlier on Jeff's blog when I was catching up with his life.

"Many people want to be authors, not writers. They want to have written, not to write."

Direct link to his post: http://economy.failuretorefrain.com/2008/04/04/writing-quote/.

I have been a college student for almost 5 years now (since August 2003) and I still don't know what I want to do. I am a Software and Information Systems student by major designation, but anyone who meets me (that didn't know me when I was a computer dork) doesn't seem to believe that. Honestly, I don't know that I believe it anymore. I like computers and know a reasonable amount about them, but there seems to be more to me than that. In my Digital Photography class I have already (3 weeks into the class) been designated as the go-to guy for technical or artistic questions. What is it about me that makes my knowledge so versatile? In some ways I feel like I should be some sort of engineer. Engineers are technical, but also have so much of an artistic influence on things. I can't seem to find what it is that I am supposed to do. So many of my friends know their place so easily it seems. Jeff has graduated with his economics degree and is moving on to a PhD in Economics... that's dedication to the field. I find it often quite funny that there is no doctoral degree available in the arts, but then I remind myself, that it is because at that level it technically changes fields. If you put enough thought into art to obtain a PhD, it is no longer art, it is a branch of Philosophy (Aesthetics). Not that it matters much to me, since I can't seem to pick a field long enough to want to pursue an advanced degree like that.

I feel like I am lacking guidance, and like there is something wrong with me. When does that little buzzer in my head get to go off and tell me that I have found something that I should be doing for my life? I have a good feeling about Art, but its not something I can see myself doing for my entire life, primarily because I don't feel that Art is something that can be commercialized without sucking its intrinsic value from it. Art is personal, Art is love. When you put a price on Art you are putting a price on the soul of its creator.

There are days when I wake up and I can think of nothing but writing, and there are days when I wake up and can think of nothing but some form of art (changes seasonally) and then there are days when I wake up and I can think of nothing but source code (then there are the days when my cock wakes me up, and we are not going there in this blog). Does this mean my career has a multiple personality disorder (I know thats not the name for it anymore, but its prettier than Dissociative Identity Disorder)?

I wish I could just wake up and know what my purpose is. Everyone else is in their lives already, I'm just sitting here, and I'm pissed at myself.

I've been playing with my camera again. This was an optional part of my shutter assignment, using long shutter times to do an exposure at night. I had a lot of fun trying this tonight in my bank's parking lot. Images are available on Flickr or on my personal gallery.

If you want to see the one I selected to turn in, see the ART390 Axillary Gallery.

I have finished posting my Digital Photography assignments for this week, if you are interested, the links are below. I feel like I have had to actually work at some of these images, so I hope you enjoy them.

http://aux.livecurt.net/art390/main.php?g2_itemId=119

http://aux.livecurt.net/art390/main.php?g2_itemId=131

Out of a burst of craving and a bit of bordem I made a batch of chocolate chip cookies last night. It is an odd thing that the cookies you make yourself don't taste quite the same as those you remember from your childhood when someone else made them, even if the same recipe is followed exact. My attempt (aided by Chris) satisfied my craving for chocolate chip cookies, but there was still something missing, some element I was expecting was not present.